(credits to whoever created this .gif on tumblr)

we’ve all been in our angsty teenager stage — whether inwardly or outwardly, it varies by individual — and have certainly entertained what we would now regard as juvenile thoughts. we are constantly reminded of the things we lack, be it tangible or otherwise, and often forget to appreciate what we already do possess.

the past year has given me much to think of. amidst the crazy ‘A’ Level preparations, 18th birthdays, tears from fears, and multiple failures amongst others, our thoughts tend to stray towards the dark(er) side — what if I fail? what if I don’t get straight ‘A’s? what if I do so badly that I have to retake my exams? what if I get straight ‘U’s again? what if nothing goes according to plan? I will become a failure in life! — and we forget to appreciate the finer things in life, like what we already have.

we have the most beautiful gift of all — gift of life. we get to experience the joys of waking up every day, not knowing what is to come and what the future holds. the beauty is in all the uncertainty and how everything unfolds. the constant state of panic we place ourselves in cause us to always expect plans that are set in concrete — that is to say, we won’t agree to things that we cannot be certain of. or perhaps it is the mindset of our fast-paced and rigid society? we must know what we are getting into, so we can go hard and go fast at it.

I find that I’m extremely tired of living a life like that. the days after the very last ‘A’ Level paper and my various commitments have been nothing short of slow, lazy, and listless, and although I feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of having all the time in the world and nothing to do with it, I find that I’m not adverse to it. these days of taking it slow and just really getting to breathe have been the most relaxing I’ve experienced in a while, and this feeling of zen that overwhelms me calms me down and enables me to welcome whatever comes my way with open arms. I’m less angry and a lot more calm and happy, and I quite like this feeling.

I know it would not be fair to say that there’s a direct correlation-and-causation effect between my emotions and how hectic life gets, but the busyness of my life and it’s complete lack thereof has shown rather telling results. I am content with life now because there’s nothing to anticipate; there’s nothing else I could want more than life itself.

life is beautiful, and we should enjoy it wholesomely, instead of the tiny and minute details that we have taken to centering our lives around. love life, because we live life.

to quote a certain musical:
“I’m alive, I’m alive, I am so alive
and I feed on the fear that’s behind your eyes”

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
— Marcus Aurelius