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postcards from far away

clar meets reality hoping for a movie script ending

May 21, 2016

adventure of a lifetime

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May 21, 2016

leaving

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April 16, 2016April 16, 2016

futility and frustration

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January 2, 2016

the new year: 2016 edition

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October 18, 2015October 18, 2015

the advent of twenty

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May 19, 2015

mid-flight rambling

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May 3, 2015May 3, 2015

new schtuff

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April 23, 2015April 22, 2015

just a quick one

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March 8, 2015

Tuition culture in Singapore: abundance and anxiety

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CLARISSA E.

Communications and New Media sophomore at the National University of Singapore, who dabbles a little in Theatre Studies. Someone who absolutely can't wait to see the world outside of this tiny island-nation.

Digitally contactable here & here.

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personal

with AEWF happening in just two days, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the journey to the 30th anniversary. for the last four months I’d been struggling with the feelings I had towards returning to alumni — I mean, I was ecstatic that we were celebrating our 30th anniversary and giving thanks for all the good fortunes thus far, and my heart soars every time I sing/feel/hear the music that we are performing, so why do I experience severe feelings of detachment when attending rehearsals and in the lead-up to AEWF? why do I feel so terribly (in)different compared to how I used to feel in alumni back then? I didn’t realise that I’d been staring at the answer literally every day: the instant picture we took during AEWF 2014 which remains on my cupboard. coming back for alumni this year was really tough because I didn’t have the same overwhelming sense of community I’d felt in 2014 with my batch mates around. we, as the newly minted batch of J3s fresh out of junior college, ready and waiting to tackle university/national service being wide-eyed and ready for the magic we’d seen the alumni create. the music-making process remained equally challenging between then and now, but what I realise is that having a group of close friends I’d spent two years with really made the process a whole lot more enjoyable, knowing that there would always be someone to lean on because I’d never be experiencing my feelings alone. the greatest takeaway I had from alumni then was the support group I’d found in my batchmates and seniors, and time spent together doing simple things like having a meal before and after rehearsals. sadly, we don’t remain 19 forever. I can’t say the same about how I feel now compared to how I felt then, and I’m not sure if those same feelings that really warmed my heart will ever come back, what with ¾ of us in the first picture being absent for this year’s concert. looking at the pictures helped me answer the questions I had about my conflicting feelings after coming back, but they don’t provide me with a way to move forward and I wish I could negotiate these feelings properly. I envy the version of me I see in those pictures.
these are the nights that never die
day 35 // working a regular job and being holed up in the office makes me extremely thankful for the outdoors and a beautiful sight like this, even if the heat is stifling (p/s: did you know that the UV index hit 15 yesterday? super craaay)

art

up in flames
(3/3) got my right side fighting while my left hides under chairs
(2/3) everyone partakes in performance art, and we are all exhibits

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