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Producer’s note: Someone on Quora asked: What does it feel like to be an unattractive woman? Here is one of the best answers that’s been pulled from the thread.

I’ve come to terms with being a Plain Jane, but for most of my life I’ve felt flat-out ugly. My mother always told me that there are no ugly women, just lazy ones. So I tried. And tried. But my standards of beauty were based on the media, and on the predominantly white population at school. (I’m Chinese, but I’m not conventionally pretty by either “American” or “Chinese” standards.) In late adolescence, convinced I’d be ugly no matter what I wore or did with my hair, I felt free to dress comfortably and to tell (dirty) jokes. Most of my friends were nerdy, not-great-looking guys. Like them, I felt awkward around pretty girls. It wasn’t because I knew they’d never…